Every journey to motherhood is unique, each so compelling. Some of us have more difficult paths to navigate before reaching our final destination, while others follow the straight and narrow, hitting bumps further on down the road. For all of us, however, motherhood is a roller coaster that brings inexplicable joy and unavoidable pain, making us feel as if our hearts might leap right through our chests. To celebrate all of motherhood, we at Wichita Moms Blog are sharing our personal journeys.
I remember the day and how nervous I felt. I was fairly certain my fiancé Jim was feeling it too but couldn’t quite discern the look on his face. As we rode the elevator up to the 4th floor, I could think of nothing more than how we were about to embark on one of the most significant events of our lives.
Before we stepped off the elev
ator and into the unknown, we gave each other questioning glances that begged to ask “you ready?” The truth was we weren’t. We were young and had no clue how to navigate the uncertain road just ahead of us. “How hard could it be?” I thought. People get married and have kids every day! But inside my emotions were going haywire. We weren’t just getting married, we were stepping into marriage and parenthood simultaneously. Looking back I am thankful how blissfully unaware I was of all the challenges we would face as a couple.
I had my son one week to the day after my husband and I said “I Do”. Jadyn James Vossen came into the world at 2:00PM after nearly 33 hours of labor. He weighed 8lbs 8oz and had the brightest eyes I had ever seen. I took one look at him and fell in love. My husband Jim was in Daddy mode from the beginning. He rocked him, held him for hours and was the very first person to ever change his diaper. If you have kids, you KNOW how bad that first diaper change is!
The first few weeks home were full of transition, emotion, & sleepless nights. I remember holding my son while bawling my eyes out and not being able to explain to my worried husband why. The truth was, I didn’t know. What I did know was I felt fear, love, amazement, anxiety, pressure, stress, fascination, and exhaustion all wrapped into one huge emotion that was bound to spill out.
This journey of navigating motherhood/wifehood hasn’t been an easy road for me. The pictures I had in my head of a perfectly harmonious family were quickly replaced by an undone and very imperfect couple who didn’t know a thing about marriage or parenting. It has been filled with everything from depression and separation to elation and joy.
So, in the spirit of Mother’s Day, I am sharing some “Blessons” (lessons turned into blessings) I feel you may relate to or need at some point along the way!
1) Stop Trying To Be The Perfect Mom.
As moms we put enormous pressure on ourselves trying to live up to the “perfect mom list” we’ve made up in our heads. STOP! Comparing yourself to other moms will only make you feel less then and will stir up feelings you don’t need. The truth is, you are the perfect mom for your child(ren). You were placed here for a reason and your role as a mom will grow, mature, and adapt, with each passing year. Be the mom YOU are because it’s perfect.
2) Make Your Marriage Top Priority.
When my son was born, my husband and I were in our early twenties. We were young but thankfully we had both lived on our own from the age of 18 and had already acquired many of the essential “life” skills of living in the real world. However, learning how to be a parent and a spouse at the same time did not come easily for either Jim nor I. Thankfully, through counseling, our church and various support from other married couples, we’ve learned (and still learning) how important it is to put our marriage first. Even before the kids! Putting your marriage first, sets a great example for our children and helps them to ultimately be more secure themselves.
3) Breastfeeding May Not Be Your Thing (Psst…You’re Still A Great Mom).
Honestly, I really, REALLY wanted to love breastfeeding, but I just didn’t. I tried extremely hard to overcome my adversity to breastfeeding and made it 4 weeks with my son and an astonishing 4 months with my daughter. Unfortunately, I was secretly resenting it the whole time and then felt guilty about the resentment which made me question my devotion as a mother. Then one day my husband (who was done living with a grumpy wife) looked at me and said, “Look! If you don’t like it, then stop! You’re a great Mom and will continue to be a great mom if you quit!” That was all the validation I needed. Once I accepted this as truth for me, I stopped breastfeeding and never looked back. I became a whole new woman and normalcy started to set in at my home.
4) At Some Point You’ll Find Yourself Hanging Off Sanity’s Cliff Ready To Fall Into Loonybin Ocean.
What I am talking about is the simple fact every mom will meet her match with one (or all) of her children. When this child enters her life, she will seriously question her abilities, patience, and capability as a mother.We all are tested and pushed to our max by our kids. I remember the time I walked into my son’s room after a VERY hard day only to find a HUGE bottle of baby powder all over him, his crib, and his toys. He also managed to smear it all over his navy blue walls, into his cd player, and down the air vent. Needless to say, your child will drive you crazy at some point. It’s just part of being a mom! Remember to take care of you and make it a weekly priority to plan something fun, away from the kids.
5) Let Go Of The Mom Guilt.
This has been one of my biggest struggles as a mother. I used to feel guilty for all kinds of reasons. Did I play enough with them? Did I feed them enough vegetables? Today, if I feel guilt creeping in, I take a few minutes to assess why it is I am feeling that way. Is it really guilt or could it be I just need some one on one time with my kids? Or maybe it is my old friend “perfect mom” creeping in trying to tell me how bad of a job I am doing. Whatever it is, if I know I’ve tried my best that day (or even if I haven’t…this is where grace comes in), then I know I have done enough. Let the guilt go mommies! You don’t need it!
As I live each day on this journey of motherhood, I realize how many tiny blessons sprinkled throughout it. Each blesson is strategically placed on the various bends of our path to teach us, stretch us, humble us and help us to grow into the moms we aspire to be. I hope you take a minute and look for the blessons along your path. They are there. Go find them.
[box style=”rounded” border=”full”]This post is part of our Journey to Motherhood Mother’s Day Series. Read more posts from this series…[/box]
