I Can’t, I’m a Mom :: Making Time for Yourself When You Have Kids

Becoming a first-time mother is tough. Society does a really good job at warning new moms about the lack of sleep they are going to endure, in addition to how haggard they are going to look due to exhaustion and being unable to find time to shower. However, I do not feel society prepared me for a personal loss of identity that occurs during motherhood. 

Although I was ecstatic about being a mother, I can identify the exact moment I realized “I lost myself.” At a yearly appointment, my doctor asked me what my hobbies were. I shot off a bunch of things I spent my days as a stay-at-home-mom doing: long walks with my daughter, taking my daughter to swim or gym class, having play dates to meet other moms, and occasionally watching TV. My doctor told me those were all wonderful things to do for my little girl, but she wanted to know what I did for myself. I stared at her blankly and said nothing. She waited. And waited some more. 

I finally replied, “I can’t do anything for myself, I’m a mom.”

Now, I know there are some unicorn goddess mothers out there who are now scoffing at the idea that moms (new moms, especially) aren’t allowed time for themselves.  I get that and I couldn’t agree more. But this is one lie I kept telling myself. I wasn’t allowed to have time for myself because my husband was always away, I used my babysitter to do school work or go grocery shopping in peace, and I didn’t even know where I would start with finding a mom appropriate hobby. Do you hear the list excuses? Am I missing any? New moms, I know you know the feeling. It is our innate reaction to care for our children, but how can we care for our children if we do not care for ourselves?

This is my New Year’s challenge for you, mamas: 

1. Stop making excuses.  Write out all the reasons why you do not do something you enjoy.  Take a step back and look at the reasons through a different lens.  If your friend was saying these things to you, would you believe they are valid reasons or just an excuse?

2.  Find a hobby. Choose something fun that exercises your creativity, spirit, brain, or muscles.  Don’t attempt failed hobbies from your past – they didn’t stick around for a reason! (I’ve lost count with how many times I started and gave up on running..) You are worthy of doing something for yourself that is not housework or child related.  

3. Try something new and unique.  You never know what you are good at unless you try! Before I had my daughter, I used to attend aerial yoga regularly.  The only reason I tried it was because I loved yoga and one of my instructors talked me into it! It was so intimidating but it is one of my favorite hobbies today.  

4.  Schedule time for your hobby. This is the hardest challenge for me. I have found things I love to do but I am completely bogged down with mommin’ like a boss and attempting to keep the house in order.  (More excuses, I know.)  But, my friends, trust me when I say you deserve this time.  Stick to your hobby by putting the plans in INK in your planner or setting an alarm on your phone!  

What hobbies do you enjoy?  Share them with us for inspiration!  

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