What I Want My Children to Know About Friendship

Image by Annie Spratt via Unsplash.com

Friends get you through a lot!  They are an integral part of life.  Always there to share the good times with, and the bad. 

You can have different friends who share different interests too.  What you treasure is their loyalty, ability to always support you and you understand that communication is key for a friendship to be thrive.

One morning on the way to school, my son asked, “Am I a good friend, mom”?  I asked him why he wondered that and his response was, “My friend said I was being mean.”  We had a full discussion about the scenario, how he felt about the situation and what options he had available, to be there for his friend and to be a good person.  This got me thinking, how do we help our children be a good friend and choose their friends wisely?  When they are young, you hear it all.

  • “I got in trouble because my friend made me do it.”
  • “They don’t like me.”
  • “I don’t have any friends.”
  • “He is doing it, why can’t I?”

When my oldest son turned four, we noticed friends starting to play more of a role in his decisions. He better understood compromise and how his actions impact the feelings of others. We mainly saw this with his interactions with his brother at home, but he would tell us about relationships and situations that took place with friends at school too. What my husband and I quickly realized was that our children were learning from experiences of being around us and our friends, so we try and model the type of friendships we want them to have. 

My friends are my family. 

My children know my best friends as their aunts and uncles, and their children as their cousins. My boys watch and listen as we talk on the phone, spend time together and interact. This definitely helped communication between us, and we only hopes help us as they get older and things become more difficult in the teenage years.

Things our family focused on when talking about friendship:

  • How to act towards your friends by being respectful and using manners.
  • Be yourself, don’t try to be someone you are not.  A good friend will like you for who you are.
  • How to respond to peer pressure.
  • Share and find common interests.
  • Be supportive, offer encouragement and actively listen with an open heart.
  • Be aware of people’s feelings.
  • Be loyal and stick up for each other.
  • How to handle conflict and try to be understanding.

When we talk as a family about situations that arise during the day, and our children don’t know how to handle something, we role play routes they could take. This helped us understand how they were interpreting actions they encounter and alternative options they could take to respond to the situation with their friends. We can tell when they are confident with a decision. As a parent, this was hard on us. We want to protect our children from being hurt, but we also want them to be a good friend and make good decisions. Helping them guide through all of the feelings and emotions isn’t easy. Talking about it and helping them understand different perspectives and opinions was beneficial for our family. We wanted them to see the true value of friendship and have positive self-esteem about themselves to not try and mold themselves into something they are not. Be honest and trustworthy, and true friends will love you for the way you are. I feel like my parents told me this often growing up and now we say it.  Always remember the golden rule. Treat others as you want to be treated.  Even when your little brother takes your favorite toy and hides it from you because he doesn’t want you to find it!

June 8th is celebrated nationally as Best Friend’s Day!  A day to celebrate the amazing people in your life that are always there for you.  Show them how much you appreciate them and how special they are on this day and every day.

Jenna Marceau
Born and raised in Wichita, full of Shocker pride, Jenna is a boy mom to son's Aiden and Eli. She married her college sweetheart, Danny, and the two keep an active schedule that includes chasing their children and dogs around Northeast Wichita. Jenna is an executive for a local HR Outsourcing organization and a member of the Junior League of Wichita. She likes to spend her spare time helping others or volunteering around the community. You can catch her at local events, supporting entrepreneurs and participating in activities with friends and family. She is a total foodie, loves coffee and craft beer, is an avid podcast listener and is quite fond of a glass of Cabernet to end her day. Keep up with Jenna at @JenMarceau on Instagram!