Mom Goals :: Embracing Simplicity

 

I’ve always been a pretty “busy” person. Now that I am a mother, my busyness has risen to a whole new level. The daily scramble that I seem to manage as I drop off a kid at preschool, head in to work, juggle family life and job responsibilities, church activities, and a limited social life has become a little overwhelming. I have come to realize that my boys are watching me and this busyness is becoming normalized to them.

As my children are get older, I am beginning to see myself in them. My almost 7-year-old often uses phrases like, “My goal is for me to….” and “What are we doing next?” In my 41 years, I have always had a plan for myself. My plan was to graduate college, go to graduate school, start my career, travel the world, volunteer for everything that I could possibly volunteer for, get married, have children, manage working and momming effortlessly…..oh wait, that last part didn’t quite work out the way I planned. 

Because I became a mother at almost 35, I felt like my life experiences would lend itself to just knowing what to do when I became a mom. However, I realized that you don’t know what you don’t know. I was surprised that I was terrified to bring my newborn baby home from the hospital and realized that my comfortable feeling of being in control of my environment and having a plan would never be the same. Infants eat when they want, sleep when they want, and poop when they want. Toddlers pretty much do the same thing, except they throw in a few tantrums here and there.

For years, my stressed out, achievement-driven nature has been riding shotgun on my journey as a mom.

I have tried to do allthethings…the home made arts and crafts, homemade elaborate treats for class parties and birthday parties, and getting very stressed along the way. My working mom guilt encouraged me to offer to bring treats for all the holidays. While I really do enjoy making treats, during a conversation with a friend, I have started wondering if I am making them for my kids or for myself. After a few stressful birthday parties with allthethings, I have come to realize that I need make my expectations and goals for myself a little less lofty.

As a new year progresses, I am beginning to give myself permission to simplify, not only when it comes to birthday parties and homemade treats, but in all areas of my life.

I am asking myself what my motives are behind my elaborate plans. It isn’t going to be easy to shift my expectations for myself, and shift my children’s expectations for me, but having a mom with a little more joy and less stress is a goal worth striving for. 

In order to achieve my goal of simplicity, I am giving myself permission to keep it simple. Ironically, this isn’t a simple process. I’m viewing all the areas of my life with new eyes. I’m keeping what I need in the kitchen, closet, pantry, and storage room, and passing on what I don’t. Just thinking about having less “stuff” in my life makes me feel like I have a much better quality of life. If I have fewer clothes, I have fewer decisions to make about what to wear. If I have a revolving list of menu items I serve my family, I can more efficiently function at the grocery store and dinner time, and increase the quality time I have with my family. If I have fewer activities to go to, I have more time to spend on myself and my family. If my children pare down their toys, we don’t have to spend as much time searching for a specific lost treasure. Making fewer decisions helps the sometimes debilitating decision fatigue that I suffer from.

I haven’t figured this out on my own, I have found a few friends who have been encouragement to me as I have been talking endlessly about making my life simpler. Emily Ley’s new book, “A Simplified Life,” has been the framework for my new sense of direction and practical steps to find more joy and less stress.

I may continue to go overboard on homemade treats for birthday parties, but having a goal of simplicity is giving me a sense of hope and direction. And I can get that bossy “shotgun riding passenger” and her sister, “mom guilt” moved to the back seat wedged between 2 car seats where they belong. My longings to have less stress with less stuff are becoming a reality. Now excuse me while I go clean out a shelf on my fridge and fill up a bag for Goodwill.


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Amy Foster
Amy is a lifelong Wichita-area resident, with the exception of her college and grad school years. Amy has worked as a pediatric physical therapist for a local non-profit organization during her 22 year career. She married Brett, a youth pastor turned special education teacher and coach, and can be seen supporting Andover Middle School with her two boys, aged 13 & 11, only 18 months apart! They keep her occupied in athletic activities . When she isn't busy momming, she likes to walk her dog in her neighborhood, and do embroidery by hand.

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