My pastor recently gave a sermon on the cycle of busyness. He spoke about the common greeting of, “How are you doing?”, with responses like, “Oh, I’m good, just super busy!” I am so guilty of this. He went on to say that responses like that and the packed life schedule that causes one to say such responses are rooted in pride. Whoa. That one stings just a bit. I am trying to be a hardworking, supportive mom, wife, employee, and friend. His final point was that when we have a packed schedule, we feel important and valuable. Who doesn’t want to feel important or valuable?
So what ‘s a mama who has a job, parenting and wife responsibilities, and volunteer opportunities to do? My life doesn’t allow for hours of things to be cleared off my schedule, or does it? I haven’t been able to stop thinking about ways to clear my schedule while still working, fulfilling my household responsibilities, and doing some things to grow myself. I am always a work in progress, but I have discovered a few things that have helped me feel less trapped, and more open to mental space.
If I don’t think “Heck, yes” when I get an opportunity to do something, I don’t do it. I bought this little sign a few years ago to keep in my bedroom to remind myself that if I don’t feel passionate enough to get excited to do something, whether it is a volunteer opportunity or an outing with my friends, I just don’t do it. I would love to get involved in PTO at my children’s school or go on a pub crawl with the girls, but when I think about adding those things on to my schedule, it causes a bit of anxiety instead of excitement. Thankfully there are parents who love to volunteer in those capacities, and my friends keep inviting me to do the pub crawl. Maybe next year I will feel like I can participate. This year, I am graciously declining and keeping my schedule and my mind a bit more freed up.
Monitor my screen time. I recently got a phone that tracks screen time and to see the amount of time I was spending on social media was shocking to say the least. There are plenty of good reasons to be on social media or my phone, but now that I can see exactly how much time I spend on Facebook or Instagram, it is much easier to put that phone down and engage in the real world instead of the curated world. Social Media can have a tendency to make me feel “not good enough” as it’s hard not compare my ordinary life to those I follow.
Schedule in some quiet time. Schedules help me feel secure. I love having a planner and calendar app on my phone and use it religiously. Since I usually go from one activity to the next, I started scheduling some quiet time daily. I already get up hours before dawn to go to the gym, but I can spare at least 15 minutes when I get home to read, pray, and sit in silence before my family wakes up. This morning solitude is often the only time I have alone.
Have a weekly Family Meeting. Sundays are the least busy day of the week. We have a little more time to chat and discuss the upcoming week or month. I have found that discussing upcoming events or activities help reduce my anxiety and my kids anxiety. Setting 15-30 minutes aside (usually after dinner) to talk through how we can help each other to reduce the work load on mom and dad is beneficial. We talk through chores, sports schedules, work schedules and school projects, and social outings. We talk about what we are looking forward to for the next week, and we discuss anything that is adding stress to our week.
I still have a busy schedule, but I am giving myself permission to say “no” to opportunities, reducing screen time to increase interactions with the real world instead of virtual world, spending a little purposeful time by myself, and having guided discussion with my family regularly. I am working hard to loosen the trap that busyness has on my life. I am looking forward to reflecting on the times of quiet and calm instead of struggle and chaos from dragging my family from one event to the next.
