When my daughter was born, my husband and I followed what ended up to being the best advice we received. When I went back to work, my husband stayed home for two weeks to care for our daughter. It was a game changer. For my return to work, for our marriage, and for my husband’s bond with our daughter.
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, only 13 percent of employees (men and women) in the United States receive paid parental leave. While men commonly take some time off work when a child is born, the Department of Labor reports that 70 percent of men take ten days or fewer. This is despite studies showing that paternity leave benefits the whole family.
My husband and I were fortunate to have supportive employers and the option to embrace our respective leaves without reservation. But the ability to take substantial parental leave shouldn’t be a stroke of luck or a statistical anomaly. It should be available to all workers. We found the benefits are numerous and last long-term.
It helped me transition back to work.
Returning to work after maternity leave was a shock to the system. After weeks of focusing solely on my newborn, I had to function in an adult world again. It was difficult learning how to get out the door in the morning, pump at work, and balance my new role as a working mother. It was a relief, and a benefit to my career, to focus on my return to work without navigating daycare at the same time. Knowing my husband was home caring for our daughter allowed me to concentrate on reintegrating into my profession.
Then, when it was time to start our daughter in daycare, I didn’t feel like I had to conquer it all at once. With two weeks back at work under my belt, I was more comfortable adding daycare to our routine.
It benefited our marriage.
In the early days of parenting, it’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling like your partner has the “easier” role. While I was on maternity leave, my husband envied that I didn’t have to balance the challenges of a new baby with the responsibilities of a full-time job. On the other hand, I would sometimes watch my husband leave for work with jealousy. Though I treasured my time at home, I missed adult conversation and the intellectual stimulation of my work.
It turns out, neither of us was right. When we reversed roles, we learned that both are taxing. When I returned to work, I appreciated how exhausting it had been for my husband to face the demands of his job on little sleep. And my husband quickly learned how difficult it had been for me to stay home with no breaks and little opportunity to rest.
Now that our daughter is older, we have both acknowledged how much it helped our marriage to see the newborn phase from the other’s perspective. We gained empathy for one another and better appreciated the contributions we each make to our family. Even now, when I fall into feeling like I have the “harder” job in our family, I reflect on this time and it reminds me to value my husband.
It helped my husband bond with our baby.
Maternity leave is often cited as necessary to help a mother bond with her new baby. Why isn’t this seen as essential for fathers, too? My husband told me he benefited from time exclusively with our daughter to begin learning who she was and, in his words, “getting a feel for her.” He said it helped their bond for him to have down time with her when he wasn’t just meeting her immediate needs.
The benefits of paternity leave are supported by medicine, too. In an interview with NPR, the immediate Past President of the American Academy of Pediatrics said that when fathers take time off work following a child’s birth, the father is more likely to spend time with the child later. This leads to increased cognitive outcome for children. While I’m certain my husband would have been an engaged father regardless of his leave, there is no doubt that his paternity leave helped establish his bond with our daughter early.
The reasons cited for lack of taking paternity leave are concerns regarding economic and career impact. We certainly would have had to reconsider our leaves if it would have significantly impacted our finances. These are complicated issues that require legislative action and a shift in workplace culture. I can only share our story. Without question, my career and my family benefited enormously from my husband’s access to paternity leave. And that access should be mandatory, not a matter of chance.
