People frequently tell me “I don’t know how you do it” in reference to my ability to juggle working full-time, parent three school-aged stepkids, and raise two toddlers. My response is, without fail, “Not very well!” and boy, does that fall into the #kiddingnotkidding category. Every day is a precious balance and, more often than I care to admit, the scale tips too much in one direction or the other. That aside, here a few of the tricks I’ve learned that help me survive as a working mom:
Flip a mental switch.
As a working mom, I often feel like my mind is in work-mode at home and home-mode when I’m at work. I’m often checking work emails as I give baths and emailing teachers during the workday. While this overlap is unavoidable to some extent, I’ve found it useful to try force myself to mentally “flip a switch” during the morning drive to drop little ones at daycare and the afternoon ride home from daycare. I take some deep breaths, remind myself that I’m going into “work mode” or “mom mode” and try to mentally transition myself over, forcing myself to dedicate my energy to what lies directly ahead instead of worrying about the other things I can’t control right then.
Dedicate time.
This follows from flipping the mental switch–I make boundaries and expectations for myself that force me to dedicate time to certain tasks and avoid multi-tasking. Because life is unpredictable, these rules are not hard and fast. They change with my day. For example, I might promise myself that I won’t do anything kid-related (like Googling teething cures) until I allow myself a work break at 10 am or tell myself that I will not send any work emails until my littlest ones are in bed. I’m much more efficient and FAR less stressed when I let myself off the multi-tasking hook for short increments of time.
Be honest.
Sometimes, as a parent, your family obligations hinder or prohibit work. While so many of us try our best to minimize this impact, I have learned that it’s far better to be honest when something personal (a late-night ER trip for a fever, a school meeting, etc.) will interfere with my ability to complete something. For the most part, employers and clients are understanding and appreciate the honesty (provided that you’ve provided a reasonable alternative for accomplishing the task). This also helps to seriously reduce the infamous “mom guilt” that plagues us for feeling like we are failing work when we’re at home and vice-versa.
Ask for help.
On the flipside, don’t try to do it all yourself when you’re drowning at work. When you need to, ask your spouse to pick the kids up, call a grandma, ask a friend, or hire a babysitter. It is far better to get the work done than to come home stressed or panicked and project all those horrible emotions onto your kids. You don’t have to be Supermom at all times, and your kids will probably enjoy the treat of special time with grandma, anyway.
Prioritize.
Treat your time like the valuable currency it is. Choose to spend it only on the things you have to do, those that matter to you, and those that add value to your life. Don’t say “yes” to PTO when you’re already swamped at work and feel like you’re barely seeing your kids enough as it is. Don’t bake cookies for the bake sale when picking some up from Costco might just snag you a few extra minutes of cuddles with the toddler. Of course, these are just examples. I understand that PTO provides social benefits and that some people actually enjoy baking (although, I’m not sure why), but you get the point. It’s a little like the phrase “put your money where your mouth is.” Put your time where your priorities are, rather than trying to be everything to everyone.
This article was originally published in 2015.
