40 Hard-Earned Lessons In 40 Years

40th birthday

I have heard friends say “I feel like I’m 20, but then I talk to a 20 year old and realize I’m not.” Nothing more needs to be said because we totally understand what that means.

We have seen some things and lived some life. We have the experiences of heartbreak, struggle, sadness, and tears. Yet also have succeeded with great advice from mentors, intentional living, or sometimes through total chance and good luck. Then you blink, and you are not 20 years old anymore, you’re 40 years old. 

And it feels so good. 

Here are my 40 simple, yet hard-earned lessons in 40 years (in no particular order):

1. Actions speak louder than words.

2. Time is your greatest resource.

3. Health is your most valuable asset.

4. A good nights’ sleep can solve  99%  99.9% of your problems.

5. Alcohol is a depressant, know your limit.

6. Always look in the oven before turning it on.

7. You have no right to judge anyone.

8. Attract your life to you, stop chasing it.

9. Never underestimate the power of a passionate kiss.

10. “No” is a complete sentence.

11. Boxed mac and cheese always disappoints.

12. Don’t always have a plan, uncertainty is just as important as stability.

13. No one can tell you who you are. You define yourself.

14. People hear what they want to hear.

15. Buy quality clothing over quantity. Investing in a few good pieces instead of several trendy ones always pays off.

16. See above lesson for friends.

17. Gratitude will make you happy.

18. Buy good toilet paper.

19. Tip well for services. And don’t forget something during the holidays for the trash/recycle people, postmen, teachers, and anyone who makes your life easier.

20. Fear is usually the basis of all arguments.

21. Less is more. Keep your life clutter-free.

22. Money isn’t everything.

23. Guilt is like a dusty old backpack full of terrible books. Lose it!

24. If it’s not a ‘heck yes” it’s a “heck no”. Don’t do anything if you’re not absolutely into it.

25. Talk to your mom as much as possible while she’s alive, because she won’t always be.

26. Take time to travel and soak up the culture while you’re there.

27. Return the shopping carts.

28. Blaming others limits your own growth.

29. You can’t trust someone who texts with exclamation points after every sentence.

30. Love is a choice everyday.

31. Be willing to look silly to achieve your dreams.

32. You can never give too much, but have boundaries. 

33. There is no need to ever say “How can I help?”. See a need and fill it. 

34. It doesn’t get easier, but we get smarter.

35. Don’t get involved with gossip or drama.

36. When your kids want to talk- talk to them, play- play with them, color- color with them. Their childhood is too short to push them aside for whatever task you’re on.

37. Invest in self improvement. Personal growth doesn’t happen by accident.

38. Check in with your gut. It is the best compass.

39. Perfection is not a good thing.

40. Rule your mind or it will rule you.

Denise Dopps
Denise is a chiropractor and speaker, wife to Ryan, and mama to Eli (b. 2009), Hadley (b. 2012), and three-going-on-thirteen youngest daughter Lucy (b. 2015). She moved to Wichita with her husband in 2007 after living in West Michigan and Dallas, Texas, but Wichita became her home from the start. With a Bachelors in Graphic Design and Marketing and Doctorate of Chiropractic, she co-owns a practice with her husband in East Wichita where they find joy in serving others throughout our community. In her spare time, Denise loves to record her podcast which empowers others in vocabulary and etiquette of communication. Denise enjoys being involved in her church when possible, is passionate about healthy food and exercise, and appreciates listening to a good podcast while doing chores. With all that needs to be done in a day, she never misses the opportunity to remind her children that they are the most important part of it.