On the best of days, I consider myself a patient mother, loving wife, and all around happy person. On the worst days, however, I am grumpy, impatient, and incredibly ungrateful. A sad realization hit me recently, as I recognized that I have had far more of the ‘bad’ days than good lately. On paper, I have it all – an incredible husband who, if I’m being honest, pulls more than his weight in our marriage a majority of the time, two perfect daughters, a beautiful home, and a career that I’ve worked hard for and enjoy. But somehow I still manage to find the negative in every situation, which in turn has left me with a permanent storm cloud over my head.
That husband I mentioned earlier? I focus my attention on the things he didn’t do, or didn’t say, or conversely did do or say but got under my skin. Those perfect daughters? We’re smack dab in the middle of the terrible twos, doubled with twins, and many days terrible is an understatement. That beautiful home has been a headache as my husband we are undergoing more projects than we anticipated to make it into our perfect home. That career? HARD.
With an attitude like that, it’s no wonder that I had been feeling less than stellar in pretty much every area of my life. I was in a funk, 100% by my own doing. I finally decided that something needed to change, and after hearing podcasts, seeing articles, and watching YouTube videos about the power of attitude and mindset, I knew that change had to start with how I was viewing everything around me.
My first order of business in my self-declared “Operation: Cognitive Reframing” was starting a gratitude journal. Every night, I would begin listing ten things I was grateful for that day. They couldn’t be generic things like my family, my health, my job, etc. I had to list ten specific things that happened throughout my day that I was grateful for or that brought me joy. This seemed like an impossible challenge when I first thought about it (TEN things EVERY DAY?!) but I quickly realized that it was saying something pretty embarrassing about me if I couldn’t even think of a puny ten things that had a positive impact on my day.
Something amazing happened in those first few days, as I really started to pay attention to the little details around me. The perfect weather for blowing bubbles on the deck with my kids. A smooth commute to and from work. Hot, delicious dinner on the table when I got home and not having to worry about how I was going to feed my children. Coffee that tasted just right. All things that I never would have given a second thought to before, were now thoughts I held onto all day so I could write them down before bed. As these little niceties happened, I essentially forced myself to keep them on my mind for the remainder of the day so I wouldn’t forget (because I have a horrible memory), and that action alone helped put a much brighter light on everything as the day went on.
I noticed a more positive outlook as I tried to find the silver lining in almost every situation I was faced with.
After a while of journaling, I decided to stop writing my thoughts for the day on paper and instead listed them off in my head and reflected on my day when I laid down to sleep. I didn’t have anything against putting pen to paper, but in all honesty, it just felt like one more thing to do before the day ended. I was already laying with my thoughts before bed, why not make them as upbeat and calming as possible? It worked like a charm. Spending my last waking moments reflecting on the good things about my day, instead of making a mental to-do list or worrying about other things, made falling into a restful slumber much easier!
I can say in complete sincerity that taking the time to figuratively smell the roses has made a world of difference in my life. I’m not implying that I never have a sour attitude since starting my experiment – but it’s fewer and farther between than even just a month or two ago. Making myself slow down and find the good around me has transformed my outlook and made me cherish the small things that make life pretty dang incredible.
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