From The Enneagram Institute: “Fives are alert, insightful, and curious. They are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. Independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. They become detached, yet high-strung and intense. They typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation. At their Best: visionary pioneers, often ahead of their time, and able to see the world in an entirely new way.”

I am a social 5w6, which means although I’m perfectly happy being alone (and I need alone time to recharge), I do enjoy connecting to people in groups with shared ideas over a long period of time. Large groups of people exhaust me, and I have trouble participating in chit-chat. If I don’t feel like I can contribute something new to the conversation, I will most likely quietly disappear.  You see, Fives fear appearing unintelligent. Therefore we research and investigate a topic to death before daring to bring it up in conversation with others. If I don’t have information to share, I don’t share at all – and I often tune out and get lost in my own thoughts. This can be a big problem when my husband shares about his day in medical sales (not my specialty), or when I’m with a group of women discussing their favorite wine (I’m that unicorn mom who doesn’t enjoy a glass of vino). If someone asks me a question about a topic I am not well read on, I am quick to say, “I don’t know” even if I have a basic understanding.

Fives tend to be specialists in their fields. Think Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates and Jane Goodall.  I love to learn things down to the specifics. When we decided to start a family, I read every book on how to get pregnant, then poured over “What to Expect when You’re Expecting” and any other book I could get my hands on. I had Pinterest boards for every aspect from how to breastfeed successfully to developmentally appropriate chores all before my third trimester. Additionally, my husband is allergic to peanuts and tree-nuts so I was all over the latest research on preventing our child from developing food allergies. Despite eating nuts or peanut butter almost every day of my pregnancy, and frequently while breastfeeding, our older daughter had her first allergic reaction at 5 months through breastmilk. She had her second reaction two months later, and a month after that tested positive for allergies to peanuts, tree nuts, eggs and milk all before her first birthday. Once people started hearing about her allergies, my inbox was full of people sharing all the articles I had already read, and offering preventative advice that just wasn’t helpful. In hindsight, I know that these people were trying to help. They read something about allergies, and thought of our daughter. However, I was grossly offended that they thought that I didn’t already know this information, and felt as if they were blaming me for not taking the precautions the medical experts had suggested.

Type Fives also struggle with understanding emotions of others and within ourselves as well. I feel like I’m pretty even-keeled most of the time, so my husband knows something is seriously wrong if I start crying. If someone asks me how I am feeling, I usually pause and try to assess my actual physical or mental state before responding. Sometimes Fives will respond to this questions with what they are thinking, because thoughts make more sense to us than emotions. Comforting others? Not my forte. I have frequently attempted to console my best friend (a 2w1) by petting her head and saying, “its going to be OK”. Being aware of these limitations has forced me to intentionally talk about emotions with my daughters, and I feel like I’m learning right along with them at times. It is just not something that comes naturally to me.

The deadly sin for Fives is “Avarice” or “Greed”. Not in the sense of money or material possessions, but a belief that there isn’t enough time, energy, and other self-preservation resources to share with others. I continued to work full-time for the first 2 years of my older daughter’s life, longing to be home with my baby. When I got pregnant with my second daughter I had a serious talk with my husband. Staying home with our girls was a necessity because I was feeling completely drained and knew that I couldn’t be the type of mom I wanted to be for them while working full time. So instead of sacrificing the image of motherhood I had envisioned, I put the breaks on work to allow myself the resources I needed to give to our girls while maintaining my sanity. Some things we do to keep me steady include a structured schedule week to week,  avoiding activities that repeatedly occur in the evenings or on weekends, and trying to come home around lunch time to have a nap or rest time before my husband gets home from work. This helps me get things done around the house, and have some alone time to recharge as well.

Fives can get a bad rep for being loners and getting lost in our heads. We may not be the best at empathy, and may talk too long about topics others aren’t interested in. However, there is an importance for people in this world who value their thoughts and have a love of knowledge. People who are objective thinkers, willing to give you a truthful opinion when asked. People who enjoy interacting with others…but only until about 9:00pm. I’m a proud 5, and the Enneagram has helped me to better understand myself and love people from other types as well.

Investigator Mom Profile:

Theme Song for Enneagram Type 5 & Favorite line:  “The Sound of Silence” by Simon & Garfunkel 

“Hear my words that I might teach you”

Favorite Book & Why: Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling. I started reading HP when I was in 6th grade so I was generally the same age as Harry each year a new book came out. I was super shy and loved to get lost in stories (probably to avoid awkward social encounters). The fact that someone could come up with an entire world outside our reality still blows my mind.

Your kid falls off their bike and comes running to you in tears. How do you respond? I usually give her a big hug and hold her while assessing her injuries. If it’s not bleeding, she knows she isn’t getting a band-aid. In our house, mom’s kiss and a boo boo bunny heals all. We talk about how she got hurt, and how we can avoid that happening again, then I send her back on her way!

What’s in my purse right now:

• Wristlet Wallet (in case I ditch the purse all together)
• Sunglasses
• Keys
• Every shade of lip color I own
• Too many writing utensils
• Epi-Pen Junior

Allison is proud to be born and raised in Wichita, KS! She attended Wichita Public Schools, and went to Wichita State University attaining her B.A. in Early Childhood Education (Go Shox!). Allison taught pre-k for USD 259 for 6 years, and earned her M.S. in School Psychology from FHSU. She has been married to her husband, Matt, for 9 years and they have two girls Ella (5) and Piper (3). For the past 3 years, Allison has worked part-time in children’s ministry at her home church, Chapel Hill UMC. She enjoys reading, running, going to the zoo, and spending time with close friends and family.