From The Enneagram Institute: “Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement. They are diplomatic and poised, but can also be overly concerned with their image and what others think of them. They typically have problems with workaholism and competitiveness. At their Best: self-accepting, authentic, everything they seem to be—role models who inspire others.”

When I was 6, my kindergarten teacher (lovingly!) told my mom his mission for the entire year was to catch me making a mistake or doing something wrong so that I could learn that the world wouldn’t fall apart if I wasn’t always perfect.

He failed.

It took me another 12 years to learn what he had hoped to teach me early on.

As I got older, I learned to put my time and effort into the many things that came easily to me (singing, dancing, writing, flute, piano, school) and gloss over those things that didn’t (sports, arts & crafts, anything taking place outdoors). 

And while I probably wouldn’t choose words like “workaholic” or “competitive” to describe myself, I do have to admit that I’m writing this post at 3am on a flight home from a family vacation. The kids are asleep, no one needs me, everything is dark, and I’ve got a movie playing behind my laptop screen. I love my work – it relaxes me. Planning, making progress on a project, and crossing things off my to-do list are what keep me from feeling like I have a ticking time bomb following me around. 

I have a hard time sitting down to read a book or watch a show unless I’m doing something else productive simultaneously. The nagging, gnawing mental checklist in my head makes it extremely difficult for me to enjoy NOT working in some capacity – whether on paid projects or even mundane household tasks (which is why audio books and podcasts are music to a multi-tasking Three’s ears). I despise being “busy”, but I love being productive. When we boarded our plane, I couldn’t wait to dive deep into my little work cocoon and tune out all of the other distractions a normal day typically brings.

Working without interruption is a vacation for me. 

I worked in the waiting room while my son was in surgery last summer to keep my mind from wandering to the “what ifs”. I work when I have to get an iron IV or infusion of meds for my chronic illness to distract myself from the fact that my health is much less within my control than I thought it was. 

I own a digital marketing agency and am able to completely control my schedule and workload depending on our life season and the current state of my chronic illness. I also home school my kids (adding “1st Grade Teacher” and “4th Grade Teacher” to my already long list of titles), not because I don’t trust traditional schools, but because I genuinely enjoy being with them all day. I can tailor their education to their strengths and weaknesses, and we can travel anywhere at any time, as long as we’ve got our laptops. I love the challenge and variety of Doing All the Things – it’s not stressful for me, it’s grounding. I’m never stuck in a rut or bored because I can’t be. 

As a mother, I can get overwhelmed by children who do not value performing at their very best at all times to the same degree that I do. I’m goal-oriented and multi-passionate, so I teach my kids the importance of delayed gratification, hard work, failing forward (because my kindergarten teacher was on to something), and trying new things. When they try a new class or hobby, they follow through to the end of their commitment before we decide to move on to something else. While success is always welcome, it’s the effort that matters to me most – and I try to encourage and foster their strengths as much as I can (while, admittedly, glossing over areas like sports where none of us have any natural talent or interest, because even I will concede that some things just can’t be fixed with hard work 😉 )

What I don’t do is Mom Guilt. Not because I don’t fail – that happens every day, trust me. But I don’t feel guilty because from the moment I wake to the moment I fall asleep, I give 110% to my kids, my business, my family, and my friends. I go full-speed, and I do my very best all freaking day long. Sometimes that’s good enough, and sometimes it’s not…but there is quite literally nothing more I can do in a day. I use every minute I possess to accomplish the tasks on my list, which means that less important (to me) things often fall through the cracks.

My tendency to cut corners in order produce a desired visual effect drives my Type One husband completely bonkers. So, yes, upon entering our home, it appears that it’s always tidy and in order, despite daily working from my home office and home schooling two wild, non-Three kids. Open any cabinet door, closet, or drawer, and you will find yourself buried under an avalanche of chaos and random stuff that I shoved in there because I didn’t know what else to do with it. My children have cute canvas crates lining the shelves in their rooms. These are for all of their non-clothing possessions – I don’t care what goes in the crates and closets or what’s under the bed, as long as I can’t see anything on the floor. I’ll hide dirty dishes in my oven if I don’t have time to wash them before company arrives. I like the appearance of organization, but I don’t have the time, capacity, or desire to make it happen myself because I’ve got so many other priorities. Other things of greater importance and more urgency. Fires to put out and goals to meet. Nicely stacked Tupperware containers with matching lids don’t make the cut – but neither does an outward appearance of disorder.

I let my kids dress themselves on days we stay home, but when we leave the house I get to choose. Why? Because otherwise they’d look like they robbed a Goodwill…in the dark. For me, the way we present ourselves has less to do with what others think of our appearances and more to do with respect. When I dress nicely, I’m showing you that I respect your time – whether it’s a coffee date, a dental appointment, or a business meeting. But again, I can’t be troubled with the minutiae. My personal style is best described as “looks like church but feels like jammies” – cute at first glance, but über casual upon further inspection. A flowy jumpsuit or sundress takes no matching or coordinating – I throw one on with the same earrings, necklace, sandals, and purse every day. Add a blazer if I have a meeting. Remove blazer and throw it into the back seat as soon as I get back into the car. No guessing, no fussing – repeat as needed.

If only motherhood was that easy!

Achiever Mom Profile:

Theme Song for Enneagram Type 3 & Favorite Line: “Surface Pressure” from Encanto

“I move mountains, I move churches
And I glow, ’cause I know what my worth is
I don’t ask how hard the work is
Got a rough, indestructible surface
Diamonds and platinum, I find ’em, I flatten ’em
I take what I’m handed, I break what’s demanded…

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that’ll never stop, whoa-oh
Pressure that’ll tip, tip, tip ’til you just go pop, whoa-oh-oh-oh
Give it to your sister, it doesn’t hurt and
See if she can handle every family burden
Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks
No mistakes…”

Favorite Book & Why: Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. I like watching all 4 March sisters grow up under the guidance of such a strong mother and choosing very different paths that still make them all happy and fulfilled in the end!

Your kid falls off their bike and comes running to you in tears. How do you respond? A sympathetic hug, some Neosporin, and a quick reminder that TRUE learning and growth comes from failure – so let’s hop back on and show this bike who’s boss!

What’s in your purse right now (with pic for proof!):

My purse is a large tote so that I can throw my laptop in when needed!

• Wallet (with membership/punch cards to every museum & coffee shop in town)
• Keys
• Sunglasses
• Favorite lip gloss
• Notebook (to hold those ideas that come to you when you least expect them!)
• 2 pens
• Disinfecting wipes (I don’t have room on my calendar for the flu this year)
• Headphones
• Boarding passes from our latest trip (TSA Pre-Check is a MUST if you travel a lot – especially with kids!)
• One “emergency kit” with tampons, spare contacts, a clean pair of socks for each child, a travel toothbrush, face wipes, Neosporin & a Band-Aid, 2 scrunchies, children’s Motrin, Dramamine & Benadryl

Want to read more about the other Enneagram types? Click here!