We’re willing to hold a fussy baby so another mom can order her coffee and willing to dole out encouragement when we see a struggling mama lugging a screeching toddler out of a store surfboard style. We’re all in this parenting thing together. While we may be ready to jump in with a friendly word or helping hand, how many of us have secretly thought, “I never want to be ‘that mom'”. As in I never want to be that mom who lets her car turn into a garbage can filled with food wrappers or that mom who bribes her toddler in a grocery store. But my kids don’t need a perfect mom and it’s OK to be “that mom” sometimes!
For example, I never wanted to be “that mom” who bribes her child with a toy to stop crying at the grocery store. Now I’m a recovering bribe-a-holic steering the grocery cart far, far away from those 99 cent Hot Wheels cars! I know the shopping tantrum triggers (naptime, hungry, new PJ Masks toy on the aisle end-cap) and I try to avoid these. Still, helping kids control their big emotions isn’t easy and sometimes you go through a lot of trial-and-error including bribing before reaching the desired behavior.
I never wanted to be “that mom” who drags a screaming preschooler off the soccer field for refusing to participate. Now I realize that it’s OK to try new activities with your child, but there’s no shame in quitting, either. If you’re dragging a crying 3 year-old off the soccer field, you still have to parent even if it’s out of your comfort zone. Let him watch from the sidelines, try again next week or wait until next year. Know your child’s boundaries and don’t be embarrassed if he’s not ready!
I never wanted to be “that mom” who doesn’t follow through with a consequence. Watching a parent count to three repeatedly with no discernible follow-through is cringe-worthy. Yet here I am admitting to you that I have been a discipline wimp and also guilty of throwing out consequences I didn’t intend to keep (“If you don’t stop wiggling in this ticket line, we’re not going to go to this zoo/event/movie that we drove 45 minutes to”). Learning how to implement consequences is complicated stuff. Maybe you didn’t follow through with that far-fetched consequence. That doesn’t mean you can’t strive to teach your child what behavior is expected and create enforceable, reasonable consequences for the future.
Moms, please don’t shelter your children from your mistakes. There is no one single perfect way to parent. Embrace the learning curve that is motherhood, ask for forgiveness, lead with a loving, imperfect example and wear your “that mom” label proudly.
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