Most of these stories all have a specific day and time when the “incident” happened. Those moms remember what the weather was like and what they were wearing. In this story, that’s not how it goes. I have the worst memory and can’t remember what we had for dinner the previous night let alone something that is very common in adolescence. So let’s pretend that it was a dark and stormy evening, and I was looking like Jennifer Aniston. I’m sure I did something along the lines of telling my oldest (he’s 12 going on 18) to turn off the Xbox or YouTube or to finish his homework or else god help me you may not live to see your next birthday. Something fairly calm and loving. Ahem. And then he spewed those dreaded words – I hate you.
I won’t lie, I was a bit taken aback. Not that I was never expecting to hear it, but 10 seems a little early to be hollering like that at his mama. But his emotions were big, they always have been. I’m sure he felt like I deserved it. And I know at least once I said it to my mom and probably more than once, and if not I thought it more than once. (Hi mom! Love you!) Honestly though, I didn’t do much about it. I told him that wasn’t a nice thing to say to me and that there are better ways to get his point across. We’ve been working a lot on finding other things to say and do when emotions get the better of him. It works sometimes and others … not so much.
In these situations you are going to come out 1 of 2 ways. The bad guy who yells and screams hateful things back or the sad guy who turns around and walks off wondering what you did to deserve that. I was definitely number 2 in this scenario, but as the days have passed I know that I’m glad I went that route. If I had turned into #1 then I am showing him that I’m using language just as bad as he is when we let the emotions get the better of us. There are still days when I’m trying to go the better route ,but my mouth won’t quit and I say something I regret. In those instances I have to choose to let the ones I’ve hurt know that I’m sorry and that I’m a work in progress.
In our house we are yellers. Some of us (my husband) let things go and go until they explode and others (me) are just loud naturally. The boys have learned behaviors. We all try to do a little better than the day before and so far it seems that we’re making it. We are by no means perfect and I will be the first to admit it. One thing we make sure to do on the daily though is tell our boys how much we love them. We also let them know that mistakes happen every day, even as adults, and all you can do is learn from them. Make better choices moving forward and show everyone that one mistake does not make a person. That’s the best way to live your life.
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