Have you had a chance to watch Netflix’s Wine Country? While the show got mixed reviews, it has a line that I personally love. The group of women who are turning 50 frequently follow their comments with “things we say now.”
It got me thinking, what are things we say now as moms? I can promise you that I never imagined saying most of the phrases that come out of my mouth on a regular basis. Here’s a short compilation of phrases my friends and I often use.
So, what are things you say now?
Hygiene
- Did you wash your hands with soap?
- Did you brush your teeth and your tongue?
- Your finger doesn’t belong in your nose.
- What did you just put in your mouth?
- Did you wipe?
- Please bend over so I can wipe you.
- Have you peed this morning?
- We are leaving the house. Have you peed yet?
Anatomy
- No, I can’t pee outside like you and daddy.
- Mommies can’t go outside without a shirt on.
- No, I don’t haven’t a penis.
- What color is your pee?
Animals
- Please leave the bugs outside.
- I don’t like to hold the (insert a creepy-crawly).
- Please don’t lick the (insert animal).
Manners
- Do you want to ask me again nicely?
- Is that how we ask for things?
- Please use a gentle touch.
- Only touch with one finger please.
- Please slow down.
Swear Word Replacements
- For the love.
- Dadgummit
- You’re killin’ me, smalls. (Thank you, The Sandlot.)
Food
- You’re too full for dinner but you want dessert?
- You need to eat three more bites.
- But you liked it yesterday.
Instructions
- Because I said so.
- Because I’m the mom.
- Yes, I am the boss because I’m the mom.
- I don’t know I’ll have to Google it.
- Excellent question. Ask your dad.
- Please just get in the car.
- You don’t have to nap but you do have to rest your eyes for five minutes.
- One…two…I’m going to say three.
Clothing
- How did your underwear end up on backwards?
- You had on different clothes this morning. Where are the clothes you wore to school?
- Yes, that is the right foot. I mean correct foot.
Cartoon-Related
- Ugga mugga (Thank you, “Daniel Tiger”)
- Sharing is caring
- Let it go. (Preach on, Elsa.)
