Traditions.
An inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action, or behavior (such as a religious practice or a social custom) per dictionary.com.
This time of the year many families start planning their calendars around their family’s traditions. Special foods, certain activities, specific decorations and honored heirlooms dot the landscape of many families’ holidays. Some have elaborate customs and time-honored activities, such as pecan pie with Nana on Thanksgiving, seeing the Nutcracker every season, having black-eyed pea soup on New Year’s Day, or placing the angel on the top of the tree the first Sunday in December.
But some families don’t have many traditions. Our family fits this category, and I didn’t realize it until last year when an article on Wichita Mom caught my eye. As local moms shared their families’ traditions, I began to ponder what traditions we had. I love change and hate stress, so as soon as something doesn’t fit with my “avoid stress” life, I ditch it. That means that some traditions I grew up with have been punted. Had I deprived my kids of important traditions in my quest to eliminate stress? With 5 boys spread out over a decade, there was a stretch of time where I felt pretty accomplished getting all the boys presents and attending their endless Christmas programs, let alone establishing and maintaining traditions. We aren’t crafty, I don’t really like to cook or bake, and while I decorate, did I mention I have 5 boys? Very active boys? It’s tough to fall in love with many decorations around here because they’re often broken. The Mary in our nativity is missing the back of her head and baby Jesus is missing an arm. To call these heirlooms would be…… a stretch. They’re décor and I like them for their history with us, but heirlooms and something to pass on? Probably not.
Before stressing further about our lack of traditions and their ruined childhoods, I asked the boys what traditions we had. Silence, followed by confusion. Initially they said we had no traditions. My stress rose. Then they said we just do what work for us at that time. The couldn’t come up with any traditions we’d had for years. We had changed activities and added and dropped others to better fit our motley group of boys. And while they couldn’t immediately name any traditions, they could name plenty of fun things we’d done over the years. They remembered the switch from dress clothes to sweats. My family always dressed up for Thanksgiving growing up. Marcus, one of 4 kids, wanted to be able to take his boys outside and play and burn off energy. After one year of sweats we all found our new attire for that day! But is that a tradition or just a convenience? We continue to alter the menus to fit what we like. Since we all love peanut butter balls my mom makes them. Tradition, or a fun dessert we all will eat?
Ultimately, our family decided we do have some “traditions.” Maybe they’re only traditions for 3-4 years, but they are established patterns and we like them – for as long as they serve us. A few years ago we all agreed we don’t like ham enough to eat it at Thanksgiving and Christmas. We voted on what we wanted instead. So we’re the family that grills steaks on Christmas Day, and we love it – for now. With boys really active in sports, we always get a tree up but when it goes up is a big question mark. Whoever is home when that moment happens helps decorate, and that works for us. Sometimes we have outside lights, sometimes the house is completely decorated…… and sometimes things are more sparse due to life. We don’t even always celebrate Christmas on Christmas day anymore. With boys playing college sports, my basketball player might not be home when the football player is, so we celebrate whenever the most kids are home, regardless of the date.
But I do have a couple of things that I try to make happen – unique to the holidays. I want Christmas to feel special – not like a summer cookout. So we eat our steak on my Grandma’s china at a formal table. This one is important to me and I started it when I began making the Christmas meal. I have enough place-settings for now, so it stays! A few years ago my dad decided to make Christmas Eve a family fun night. Sitting around with nothing to do and a house full of boys under the age of 16 wasn’t really fun for any of us! So now we go to church, eat soup, play VERY competitive Minute to Win it Games, and win goofy prizes my mom picks out. My boys called this a tradition because of how much we love it. But when it doesn’t seem fun anymore, we’ll be OK figuring something else out instead.
Does our family have traditions? I’m not sure of the answer, but I’m not sure it matters. Our family is grounded in time together. That time might look different as the boys mature, our parents age, and family members are added. But the tradition of “together” is woven through it all.
That’s enough of a tradition for us.
