The first sleepover. What used to be a traditional rite of passage for kids is now something more complicated and even controversial. Sleeping over at my best friend’s house in the 90’s meant watching Anne Of Green Gables marathons, eating loads of popcorn, playing in her ginormous dollhouse and making jewelry. These are special memories that I would like for my boys to experience in their own ways. But as a parent, I’ve read perspectives from those who choose not to allow sleepovers due to threats of abuse and bullying, a viewpoint that is completely understandable. We’ve chosen to allow sleepovers occasionally in situations where we know the other family and child well. If you’ve made the decision to allow your child to attend sleepovers or even if you’re beginning to think about it, where do you go from there?

Here are 5 things no one told me before my son’s first sleepover:

You Will Feel Like Your Child Is Too Young
Whether your child is five or fourteen when he heads to his first sleepover, in your mind, he will be too young. It feels like he was just a newborn the other day and there is no possible way kids start going to sleepovers at this age. I mean, he just started going to birthday parties without you last year. It’s true that he barely looked back when you dropped him off for that play date last week, but it’s still way too early for an overnight. He probably won’t even want to spend the night, you think when you look at the invitation (trust me he will want to).

You Will Wonder If You Should Send A Lovey
My son has a Mickey Mouse lovey that he sleeps with. Your child might have a blankie, a stuffed animal or a toy that helps him feel safe and comfortable. I am pro-lovey and believe he can keep that ratty old Mickey Mouse as long as he’d like. As the day of the first sleepover neared, though, I wondered if Mickey would attend the sleepover with my son. Before I even had a chance to ask my son what he wanted to do, he asked me if he could take Mickey with him. If you are wondering about sending the lovey, trust your mom instincts.

Mom Hack: Toss it in the overnight bag and let your child decide later.

You Will Be A Little Sad If Your Child Doesn’t Call You To Come Home Early
The day has arrived. The sleeping bag is packed, the pillow is packed, the toothbrush is packed, the lovey is packed (see above), the pj’s, the extra set of pj’s (he hasn’t had an accident in 4 years, but just in case), the clothes for the next day, the flashlight. All of it is packed in his backpack with your phone number tucked in the pocket (even though the other parent has your number, email address and IG handle, but just in case). You will give 87 hugs when you drop him off and remind him again that he can call you to pick him up if he wants to come home. Your cell phone will not leave your side the whole evening. If he doesn’t call to get picked up early, you might feel a little sad. This is normal and try to be happy that he’s happy.

Mom Hack: Have a glass of wine now since you don’t have to worry about driving!

You Will Question Everything You Have Taught Your Child
Did you emphasize the importance of saying please and thank you enough? What about proper hand washing before dinner? Will he feel brave enough to tell an adult if another child or individual makes him feel uncomfortable? What if this is a group sleepover and there is a bully there? Does he know safety precautions? Will he speak up if faced with inappropriate language or behavior? You will literally imagine every scenario and pray that you have covered all your bases. You’ve talked with the host in-depth about all the important safety details like the guest list, guns, dogs, swimming pools and food allergies, but you will still wonder. My best advice is to have these hard conversations with your child on an ongoing basis.

Mom Hack: Don’t wait until that first slumber party invitation comes in the mail to start these discussions.

You Will Need To Build in Time for A Nap The Next Day
Think it will be a good idea to schedule an activity the next day at 9 AM after your child attends a sleepover? Think again! This is personal experience talking here. A seven year old who stays up until midnight chowing down on junk food and playing with Nerf guns will be an emotional wreck the next day, despite having the best night of his life. A mom who stays up until midnight flipping through that seven year old’s baby book and crying into her wine during the first sleepover will be an emotional wreck the next day.

Mom Hack: Pencil in a nap for you and your child that following day. You’ll both feel better!

If you and your child are beginning to venture into the territory of sleepovers, this brand new independence won’t happen in a single night. Consider inviting one of your child’s friends to your own house to spend the night or a test run where your child spends the night at a relative’s home. You may find that your child is ready for this big step or that he needs more time. Either way, use these opportunities to talk about what your family’s policy on sleepovers will be.

If your household has chosen to allow sleepovers, what do you wish you would have known before your child’s first overnight?

Make sure you never miss out: subscribe to our weekly Wichita Moms Blog newsletter! Be the first to know about our exclusive events, special offers and discounts, neighborhood group activities and, of course, local resources
and parenting voices powered by local Wichita moms!