Still Dating After All These Years – Making Time for Your Spouse

date night When you’re married to the man you’ve dated since college, suddenly you are 40-years-old and you’ve been together 20 years or more than half your life.

That’s a lot of time together.

My husband and I used to go out ALL THE TIME before baby. We’re talking four to five nights a week. We were married for 13 years before our son finally came along, so around 3,000 nights give or take.

That’s a lot of date nights.

I’m a firm believer that continuing to date your spouse throughout your marriage is one of the keys to a happy relationship. So, how do you still make time for each other after baby arrives? We both have full-time jobs. My husband own his own business. Plus, he works most of the weekends. We need family time, but we also need couple time. While we love sneaking away for a weekend, we’ll take even an hour just to focus on each other. 

Here are a few ideas to help you and your spouse make time for each other, even after all these years:

Weeknight date nights.

Who says date night has to be on Friday or Saturday? Try a Thursday. You’ll most likely pay less for a babysitter. There’s also a good chance someone in your “tribe” doesn’t have plans. Plus, there’s generally little to no waiting on a table at a restaurant during the week.

Short getaways.

You don’t need a major vacation to reconnect with your spouse. Try a quick road trip to Kansas City, Oklahoma City or Tulsa to test out a boutique hotel or try the latest farm-to-table restaurant. Catch a concert. There’s nothing like singing off key at the top of my lungs with my husband that make me feel young again. Have you tried a direct flight on Southwest Airlines to Phoenix or St. Louis? We’ve started making a three-day weekend in Scottsdale/Phoenix an annual trip.

Overnight Staycations.

Multiple nights not in the cards? What about one night at a hotel in Old Town? Within walking distance or a quick Uber you have countless dinner options, cocktail lounges, speakeasys, live music and theatre.

Lunch dates.

Everyone needs to eat lunch. Try to coordinate your lunch hours once a month for just the two of you. My husband and I both love Mexican food, so we can easily find an excuse to grab tacos. Generally speaking, lunch is considerably less given that you’ll likely be skipping the alcohol and ordering from a special lunch menu.

Take advantage of happy hour.

Nearly every restaurant and bar in town has happy hour specials on drinks and appetizers. Do a bit of research. If you start early enough, you might even have time to fit in two different spots.

Take a trip down memory lane.

Relive your inexpensive first dates. When we first started dating, trips to Dairy Queen for a M&M Blizzard, cold beer at the golf course or an ice cold cherry limeade from Miller’s Five (Augusta shout-out) were staples of our dating life. Sometimes a date that costs less that $10 can help remind you of that giddy feeling you used have just spending time together, holding hands and talking about your hopes and dreams.

Rely on your tribe.

Whether its babysitters, grandparents, friends or all of the above, they want you to have a happy, balanced marriage. It means taking time for just the two of you.

So, what are you doing for your next date?


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Ashley Cook
Ashley grew up in Augusta and has lived in the Wichita area for most of her life. She works full time as vice president at a marketing agency. She'd been in the workforce for 15 years and faced years of fertility challenges before being blessed with son Charlie in 2015. She met her husband, Josh, in kindergarten. The house-divided college sweethearts attended KU and K-State, starting their careers in Dallas before returning to Wichita in 2003. Not just a full-time executive and mom, she owns Josh Cook Golf Academy with her namesake husband. Ashley also enjoys volunteering as Wichita Aero Club vice chair, driving a golf cart with Josh and Charlie, drinking wine and spending time with family.