As a parent, this was an eye opening, soul bearing time for me as I learned the value of honesty.
As parents, don’t we always believe our children’s behavior is indicative of our parenting? People judge us as parents based on how our kids act.
I knew that people would judge me and criticize. In the early days after “the incident”, I was cryptic in my messages to friends. I admitted there was an accident, but I gave no details.
Well, you know what happens then…people fill in the gaps of your story with what they think happened. And as friends were lifting my son in prayer, I felt like I was misleading them and I knew that I had to share the complete story.
And so I shared details on Facebook:
This was not a car wreck. Will fell about 35 feet from a third story window onto a concrete patio. (Yes, we know LD50 is a 20′ fall.) His guardian angels were with him on Monday; I have no doubt…No one was with him when he fell so we don’t know exactly what he was doing when he fell. Will has no recollection of the event. Someone who heard the fall immediately responded. Yes, the window was his dorm room. Yes, alcohol was involved.
And the comments flowed as I knew they would.
Gasps. Worry. Prayers lifted. “We all did crazy things as college kids; this could’ve happened to any of us.”
For the next few weeks, I became more transparent than I have ever been in my life, opening my heart out to my friends. I admitted my weakness as a parent, because this was a situation I couldn’t control. I admitted my anger, that my son could be so destructive with his choices. I admitted feeling overwhelmed, juggling a lot of things in this life I was chosen to live. I admitted I needed help, so friends delivered dinners and helped however they could.
But this is what struck me most:
The people who thanked me for being honest, for being open, for being real. A note from a mom whose son had a similar accident who felt ashamed at the situation, but after I was open about mine – she realized she wasn’t alone and lots of kids make mistakes. A comment from a teenager who stated her friends drink a lot and she now knows that God gives us friends to help keep us safe; she believes she can be that friend. A message from a parent who shared our story with her teen children with hopes that this “real” story might strike a nerve.
Ripples. Conversations. Self-reflection. Prompted by one mom choosing to put herself out there and take ownership of the burdens in her life, not sugar coating, not pretending the situation was something other than what it was.
Moms out there. Be real. Be honest. Be true to you.
When things are hard, don’t pretend they are not. Because, you see, it’s that transparency that makes people trust you, that make you real, that makes you a friend who can relate to and understand others. We all have difficult moments and it is at that time that we rely on friends to be gentle, yet honest; to be supportive without being judgmental; to simply know this could’ve happened to any of us.
