Hugs Can Take Many Forms – Global ‘Hug Your Kids Day’

Just like a day for mothers, fathers, lovers, and donuts, it seems a bit odd to me that we have a global day to recognize an activity that should occur naturally on a daily basis—celebrating our love for the most important people (and food) in our lives. But nonetheless, we celebrate it on the third Monday of July as a fantastic reminder to HUG YOUR CHILD. AND HUG THEM OFTEN!

I didn’t grow up in an overly affectionate family. We rarely touch, hug, kiss, or tell each other, “I love you.” We are not cold, but we still cling to formality. I still know that I am loved. It wasn’t until I met my husband’s very affectionate family (even receiving a kiss on the lips from his granddad upon meeting for the first time) that I learned to be comfortable with others showing me affection.

When our daughter, Mia, was born, she suffered from cerebral palsy. She had low body tone and she was often mistaken (or not) for being a cuddler. The NICU nurses often fell asleep holding her she was just that cuddle-y! Mia was non-verbal, so affection and words, sounds and touches let her know how much she was loved. She was always up for being held and hugged, kissed, and cuddled.

Alternatively, when we adopted Dylan, hugging him was like hugging a porcupine. He was prickle-y, stiff, and rigid, and would dodge any type of touch. He would duck like he was ninja escaping a Houdini trap when anyone would try to do so much as pat his back. It broke my heart when he said my hugs hurt. It wasn’t until his therapist explained to me that for his ultra hyper and sensitive sensory brain, hugs, pats, and hair ruffles felt like tiny needles infiltrating his body. We learned to fist bump instead. Gradually we were pleased to discover that “eye popping bear hugs” are typically welcomed when he is overly excited or upset.

Last week I took my adorable 2 year old nephew a beloved childhood toy that had been in our family for almost 40 years, our old trusty Wonder Horse. I spent the lovely afternoon visiting with my sister and watching him play. After dinner, I casually grabbed my purse, planning to bid my farewell, when he ever so quietly, walked up to me, turned around and faced away from me. He slowly crept backwards until he was almost touching me. I leaned down without touching him and whispered him a good bye. Then he took off. This precious 10 second moment was was his way of hugging me and telling me good bye. Can you imagine, as much as I wanted to, if I had ruffled his hair, or picked him up and gave him a squeeze, how much that would have diminished that moment of bonding between him and me? And yet it took all of my strength not to give into my instinct and simply touch his head. He is not a hugger—yet, and maybe never will be. But he is loved, and he knows that he is because I can respect the parameter and he eagerly greets me.

A celebrity non hugger, Temple Grandin.

Hugs are not always tangible. Sometimes they are a look, or action like giving a high-five—sometimes those hurt, too. Hugs can be a wink, a smile, a phone call, message or anything that helps us know that we are surrounded by love. Whatever your ((HUG)) style, do it lots, and often, to many!

Rachel Banning
Originally from the Wichita area, Rachel’s greatest adventure began 20 years ago when she married her husband. Together, they have one living child with Asperger’s (Dylan, ‘03) and one heavenly daughter with cerebral palsy (Mia, 2000-2013). She is a homeschool mom and business owner. Rachel is an unapologetic advocate for children of all abilities, a bookworm, and she will find any excuse to use her Kitchen Aid and wear Junior League red.