I was chatting with a woman I had just met, and as we worked through the typical get to know you questions we shared that we were both mommas; mine nearly 2 and 5, hers teenagers. Then she said the thing that I have heard many time from more seasoned mothers, “Believe me it gets easier.” I know she said these 5 simple words to provide comfort and support to a fellow woman in the throes of toddlerhood, but let’s be honest, it’s a lie.
It doesn’t get easier… it gets different.
When my son was born nothing seemed to go exactly as I had imagined it, I know surprising right, and I recall those days of feeling so isolated and alone in how truly hard it was to be the parent of a new born that I found myself wishing those precious stages away. Now those days dissipated as we began to figure each other out and I was able to enjoy being a new mom, but it never got easier.
Sleepless nights did not end, diapers turned into potty training, and bottles were stored away as sippy cups became the norm. While I will admit that not having to carry around a fully loaded diaper bag and worry about when and where I was going to either pump or breast feed felt like breaking free from some pretty serious chains, nothing got easier. Now we were deciding on preschools, do we get involved in activities, and the terrifying threes. Even as we were reaching a sense of homeostasis, we began talking about throwing another person in the mix. Add in the fear of feeling like you are not giving each little person the attention and love that they need because there are two of them and one of you and then let’s top it all off with the guilt that I am certainly screwing my children up by working full time.
So let’s get real: none of this is easy and as much as we hold on to the hope that it will one day get easier I am here to tell you I don’t believe that to be true.
My fears around parenting a pre-teen and dealing with all the emotions that come with puberty are very real. Navigating the waters as a parent of a high schooler, that is facing life changing decisions about sex, drugs, alcohol, and their future, leaves me with knots in my stomach. I imagine the years ahead to be full of conflict, the occasional “I hate you”, tears, worry, dread, and moments of pure joy. While I don’t believe that parenting during these stages will be easy the silver lining is that you, much like your child are growing and learning. Your past experience are shaping you into the parent that you need to be for your child at that exact moment.
In each of these stages parenting will be hard, and why shouldn’t it be? You are shaping a person, a whole great big person, one that will leave their mark on this world. Even when the stage comes that you are letting go, that you are ready to launch this beautiful person, that you have loved sometimes more than you have liked, into the world it still won’t be easy. The worry won’t end it will just change, but you should rest easy knowing that the years of hard, often thankless work, have ensured that your child can also do hard things.
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