Dear Breastfeeding Moms Who Came Before Me

As I’m coming up on a year and the end of breastfeeding my child, I’ve been thinking about you a lot. You’ve been here before me, I’m sure at some point with the same emotions and thoughts I have right now. I have an incredible amount of admiration for you, but I also have learned you kept a lot of secrets during your breastfeeding adventures.

 

I’m here to call you out on those.

 

I know the sigh you let out nearly every morning as you put on your nursing bra, missing the days of underwire and a little push-up just for fun.  I know it was probably nude because it was practical and nursing bras only come in three colors anyways. 

 

I know you put away your cute dresses and opted for shirts that had stretch.  You’ll never forget the time you somehow forgot about breastfeeding for a second and wore that fitted dress, only to have to pretty much take all of your clothes off to nurse your little one in public.

 

I know your mind was exhausted from always doing the milk math. You could never go too far from your infant because you were on the clock for the next feeding. Sometimes you wanted to cry because you finally planned a trip to get out of the house, but something happened that delayed your leaving and by the time you were about ready it was time to feed your baby again. 

 

Or maybe when your baby was a little bigger you could leave for longer periods, but you still felt like you were on a short leash because if someone had to give your baby a bottle while you were gone, it meant you were pumping as soon as you got home.

 

I know how much you dreaded your pump.

 

I know that despite laws being put into place, you still probably cried the whole way home from work one day because you worried your boss just didn’t understand that you wanted to be a great employee but also needed to have enough time to pump for your baby. I know you figured out ways to work around the tangles of your pump cords so you could still respond to emails and take conference calls.

 

I know you sometimes were a little louder than necessary when you got up in the middle of the night to nurse your baby, just so your husband didn’t forget what you were up to while he stayed warm in bed.

 

But now I also know why you didn’t tell me all of those things. Once you scooped your tiny one up in the darkness of the night and could see his little baby hairs resting against your arm in the moonlight, you realized that these days were fleeting. One day the dark circles under your eyes would be a very distant memory, but you’d forever cling to these moments that you nourished and gave life to your baby. The nursing bras would be packed away, the dresses with the zipper up the back would return to your closet, and your pump would be donated to the next young mama. Your life would start to feel more free and your body would once again feel wholly yours. You were so excited for this next chapter, but you couldn’t ignore the nagging bit of sadness as you realized you’d never again look down at your baby and share a smile together that only you could see.

 

I know now that the tears, struggles, and pain were fully worth it. The moments I had nursing my baby were not always easy, but I am already starting to miss those quiet times. I’ll miss the days that I was my baby’s best comfort, and the times that I put him down in his crib with a full belly and the sleepiest smile. 

 

So, dear breastfeeding moms that came before me, I promise I’ll keep your secrets for the breastfeeding mamas after me. When they are having a tough day I’ll give them the same sympathetic but encouraging smile you once gave me, but I won’t let them dwell in the struggles. Soon enough, they will understand what we do.

 

Breastfeeding is all the emotions, all the highs, all the lows, but mostly, it’s all love.

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