I was walking through a bookstore recently and found myself mindlessly searching through various sections and eventually found myself in the “Parenting” section. I browsed through the books about a multitude of topics and realized something. There are TONS of books on certain “years.” Things like: How to get your child to sleep through the night. How to potty train your child. How to discipline your toddler. The topics went on and on. Then I found even more books on parenting teenagers. Things like: how to deal with your angry teen. How to talk to your child about sex, drugs and social media. How to choose the right college.
At the end of my browsing, something occurred to me. There are literally hundreds of books on parenting small children and then teens and tweens, but not many on the ages in between. Sure, there are a few books on how to deal with children from the ages of 7-12 but most of those deal with specific issues or diagnoses. Thinks like ADHD, ODD, Autism and many other issues, but no books on these ages in the “general scope.”
I got to thinking about when my older 3 kids were ages 7-12 and that my 4th (who is now 10) is in this phase. I decided out of all the ages of parenting kids (my oldest is almost 20), this age, the 7-12 age, is what I like to call the “auto-pilot” years. Now, before you jump on me for saying this and tell me there is no “auto-piloting” in parenthood, let me tell you why I’ve labeled them this way.
First, after the potty training is done and they can feed and dress themselves, they gain some independence from mom and dad and don’t rely on then for every single thing. By the age of 7, most kids can get themselves out of bed, brush their teeth, use the restroom, get dressed and maybe even get their own cereal for breakfast. They can read fairly well and most kids can work electronics better than their parents.
Second, during this age, school is a MAJOR focus. They are learning to remember things like when an assignment is due and getting their homework done without constant parental involvement.
Third, during these ages, kids are finding that thing(s) that they will love for years to come. Things like a particular sport, music, art, dance, theater, etc. They may not find it right away, but they are trying new team sports, new instruments and new activities.
Because of the school hours and their activities, their lives (and yours) are on a set schedule. A schedule that once was nap times and playdates has been replaced by homework, practices and carpools. Long gone are the days where mom is trying to find various places to “entertain” her kids for a while. Long gone is the spur of the moment trip to the zoo or museum.
You might find that your life becomes a very well-oiled machine. That well-oiled machine can then feel very familiar, comforting and quite frankly BORING at times. Why? Because your life is on “auto-pilot.”
I’m not saying these years are “boring” all the time. I’m just saying these are the years that you will find yourself on repeat. The same school hours. The same practice times. The same concerts and dance recitals. The same carpools.
And that’s a good thing.
Calling this age group the “auto-pilot” years isn’t negative. It isn’t meant to make you feel dread as your child nears this age. It’s a positive thing. It’s meant to tell you that if you find yourself feeling “not as needed” or struggling to figure out “how to entertain your kids,” or feeling like a hamster on a wheel… it’s okay.
This is the time where the focus is on grades in school, learning new activities and finding a new family rhythm. The “auto-pilot” years are important in establishing boundaries before you and your child are bombarded with teen issues. And let me tell you, when you get to the teen years, those grades and activities won’t go away. They will be multiplied by more homework, longer activities, less time with your child and hormones that make things anything but boring.
Enjoy this “auto-pilot” stage of parenting. You’ve earned it by getting through the early years and you are saving your energy (and patience) for the tween and teen years.
Please know that I am in NO WAY saying parenting a 7-12 year old is easy. It’s not. And if you have a child with special needs, mental diagnosis or struggles in other ways, no stage of parenting is “auto-pilot.”
But know that the ages between 7-12 can give you and your child a little breathing room for fun, growing closer and figuring out who you both are…
…with and without each other.
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