Our culture has created this unattainable beast that insinuates women should be able to do it all. The pressure to be the “perfect mom” feels like it’s at an all-time high.
- Birth a baby
- Heal from birth in a culture that largely leaves a woman to do this alone
- Be ready for sex after the 6-week check up
- Start an exercise program to “get your pre-baby body” back ASAP
- Go back to work with little to no support
- Maintain a Pinterest worthy home
- Figure out the inevitable shift you and partner are going through
- Hide any signs that you’re struggling mentally in any way
Oh, and do it all with hardly any sleep! However, the one resounding feeling that women are finally starting to speak truth to is that of guilt. In fact, according to a survey commissioned by TIME, 70% of new moms polled said they felt pressured to parent a certain way – with the majority reporting disappointment or shame with the way their parenting experience was panning out.
Ladies, I am here to tell you that you’re more than what your postpartum body looks like, more than the type of birth you experienced, more than how long you were able to breastfeed, you’re more than how clean your home is, and you’re definitely more than maintaining an image that you can do it all, perfectly.
Research has shown that women’s feelings of being pressured to be a perfect mother are related to increased maternal guilt, lower self-efficacy beliefs, and higher stress levels – even when these women do not hold strong intensive mothering beliefs themselves (Rotkirch and Janhunen, 2009; Henderson et al., 2016; Borelli et al., 2017).
However, the pressure to appear perfect surrounds us at every turn we make. Perfectly curated social media pages remind us daily of our perceived inadequacies. While we know better, it’s hard to drown out the noise and remind ourselves that no one is perfect.
Social media is a wonderful vehicle to stay in touch with people, grow a business, learn just about anything you could possibly want to know, but it’s also created isolation and unhappiness for so many vulnerable people.
Please, dear reader, remember this truth: perfect is an illusion.
Loving every square inch of our bodies or every second of motherhood is simply isn’t an attainable standard for any of us. The antidote, however, is giving yourself some grace and remembering that you are perfectly imperfect. Your path will be different than your sister, your best friend, your mom and/or your neighbor down the street, and that’s okay.
Here are 5 tips to perfectly imperfect parenting:
Surround yourself with a strong support system. This can look different for everyone, so please don’t put pressure on yourself for it to be perfect. Not everyone has the support of family being right where they live, but don’t let that stop you from creating a support system that works for your family. It can also look like friends, hiring a babysitter, using the daycare facility at your local gym, exchange childcare with someone from your church. Every woman needs a break from time to time and it’s important to surround yourself all different kinds of help.
Hang out with supportive women. You know what I mean, the ones that are there to build you and not tear you down. The ones you can say ‘my kid is being a jerk today’ and they know that doesn’t mean you love your kid any less. The ones who accept you in yoga pants and 3 days’ worth of dry shampoo. The ones you that aren’t going to talk about you behind your back. Yeah, those are the ones. Find those gems and never let them go, but remember, they are imperfectly perfect and their kids are imperfect too.
Remember to appreciate the truly magical moments of motherhood. Amongst the tears, lack of sleep, potty training, sassy mouths, etc., there are so many truly magical, breathtaking moments. Soak those up as much as you can. Write about them in a journal, take pictures, do whatever you need to do because time will absolutely fly by and you’ll need to remember them in the harder moments.
Go to therapy. I’m serious. Have you ever talked to someone that’s non-biased and wants to help you be the best version of yourself possible? It’s amazing. There’s no shame in therapy, so please don’t surround yourself with people that make you feel this way.
Do one thing every day that’s just for you. Whether you can only eek out 10 minutes or an hour, do something every day that YOU love. Do something that doesn’t benefit your partner, your kids or anyone else, just you. You were someone before you were a mother and SHE MATTERS.
Above all else, remember that motherhood isn’t a linear path and it was certainly never meant to be done alone.
