I’m often asked for advice from mom friends who have younger kids. I’m in no way an expert and I often laugh when they say, “Can you give me advice?” But I guess since 3 of my kids are in high school and college, I have navigated a few roads that younger moms are on or about to begin.
I’ve narrowed some “big picture” advice down to 5 things:
1. Do Not Do It Alone: I made the very large mistake of thinking I could do it without any help. I thought, I can raise 4 kids with a husband who works 120 hours a week, clean, cook homemade meals, do errands and play with my kids. Oh… and of course I will have time for a hot bath with a glass of wine at night. HA! With 3 kids 3 and under, the only ones getting a hot bath were them! And only because that meant they were all in one place for 5 minutes.
Here is my advice: GET HELP! Whatever area you are struggling with the most, find someone to help you. Whether it’s a play group, someone to clean or a service that drops off meals, find it. There is not one single human being who can do it all. And YOU will not be the exception.
2. Don’t Compare Yourself To Others: This is hard for women in general. Then you add being a mom to the equation and the result is constant comparison. DO NOT DO IT! In today’s social media society, we can easily “see” what others are doing. Where they go on vacation, sports their kids play, their new haircut and every detail that honestly DOES NOT MATTER!
Here is my advice: How you parent your child is up to you. It’s not up to your friend or mom or neighbor. If you allow your child to have a lot of screen time but your BFF doesn’t…great! If your child isn’t an athlete, don’t stress when you see other parents at games all weekend. Enjoy having time to go do other things with your family. Don’t get caught up in comparing you, your marriage or your children to others around you. It will only make you feel like you aren’t doing things right. What is right for your friend and her family, is rarely what is right for you and your family.
3. Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff: This sounds so cliché, but it’s true! We moms worry about what types of food our kids eat. What they wear. Where they go to school. What activities they do.
Here is my advice: Don’t worry if your child wants chicken nuggets that aren’t organic. Don’t worry if your child wears Walmart clothes instead of couture. Don’t worry if you can’t afford to send your child to private school. Don’t worry if your child doesn’t make the traveling sports team. What matters is that they are fed, clothed, educated and are exposed to a few activities. We get so wrapped up in the “details” of raising kids, we forget to look at the “big picture.”
4. Give Yourself Grace: This is so hard and it takes constant practice. You will have days where you wonder why God thought it was such a great idea to give you children. You will think that you are “harming” your kids by disciplining them. You will cry, worry, stress and even yell at various times of one day.
Here is my advice: When you find yourself doing these things… give yourself grace and remember that every mom feels these things. Give yourself the opportunity to realize that you are allowed to make mistakes. That you are not perfect. That sometimes, you just need to take a breath. And don’t forget to give your children and spouse grace too. They are making mistakes, struggling with new phases in life and figuring things out along the way.
5. Enjoy The Ride: I often look back and think, I didn’t enjoy my kids enough. I think all parents feel this way to some extent because raising kids seems to go by quickly. The saying goes “The days are long but the years are short.” This is so true! I didn’t completely feel this until my oldest graduated from high school in 2017.
Here is my advice: Take a moment when you are in the midst of raising kids to just look at them. Take a deep breath and remember how your kids smelled after a bath. Listen to their laugh when they were being tickled. Feel how great it was to enjoy a quiet Saturday.
And remember that advice is just one person’s experience put into words. You can listen, but it’s up to you to figure out what works for you…
…and then pass your advice on to younger moms later.
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